- A skill to fall a sleep in the train (to neglect people and the weak who your seat should be given)
- A skill to keep your arms high up in the train (not to be mistaken for an offender touching women's body)
- A skill to make a line (to buy anything, to wait for a train, and to live in Japan. Everything's in order.)
- A skill to pretend to speak English (to make them believe you're from the United States)
- A skill to drive a car skillfully (to avoid people in a narrow road and park your car in a limited space. Any scratch to another car must be treated as an accident to be informed to the police.)
- A skill to avoid bitches (not to be a husband divorced and deprived of your baby)
- A skill to eat smelly food without pinching your nose (to eat natto, miso soup, wasabi, roasted fish, etc.)
- A skill to sort garbage (to dispose garbage in accordance with the municipal's rule and recyle it)
- A skill to open shy Japanese mouths (to communicate with people)
- A skill to give up using imagination and imitate people's action (not to get angry about the Japanese policy)
July 23, 2010
July 16, 2010
Rainy Season in Japan
June to July is a rainy season in Japan, called "tsuyu." When tsuyu ends, hot and humid summer beggins. There is another rainy season in fall. In August, some typhoons pass over Japan. Japan's summer reminds me that Japan is one of the Asian countries. When I went to Europe, especially in Paris, the air was dry and the pictures I took were like the ones taken by a professional photographer. The sunlight crosses from the right corner of the photo and the air in the picture was shining to make everything vivid. The senics taken in Japan are vivid because of the camera's performance not photographer's. Soon, tsuyu will end according to the weather report. A good point in the Japanese summer is that I'm not as thirsty as I was in Paris, and there're bunch of vending machines selling non-sugar green tea bottles. You don't have to be followed by the people with 1 euro mineral water.
February 16, 2009
Diary or what? I don't know... Confession of my feeling two days after the Valentine's day in 2009
I'm so in love with her. But I don't know what to do.
She is a friend of my ex-girlfriend who died in the summer of 2006. My ex-girlfriend killed herself by taking too much hypnotic drug to wake up again. She tried it a few times before she really went to the heaven. But I didn't know her such situation when I met her last time one week before her death because I couldn't get in touch with her so many times for the busyness of my work. In the last date, she expalained to me that she broke up with her boyfriend and her mental state was not very good and consulted to a psychiatrist. She looked so weak mentally and physically. We went to see a movie which was the first plan of our date and then went to an aquarium. I didn't have any persistence in going there, but it was one of the last days when my membership card expired and I knew she liked to see animals, especially penguins. But this whole plan of dating was not good to her at all. The contents of the movie, which attacked the hero's mental weakness, may have been harsh to her, and the aquarium was the place she visited with her broken-up boyfriend a few months ago. She mumbled it to me but didn't reject visiting for her kindness (or weakness). The aquarium was a little crowded with children released from the busy school life for summer vacation. We couldn't see many tanks with calmness, but I remember she said, "looks delicious," looking hundreds of sardine and a few tuna whirling in the round tank. We sat down on a bench situated in front of the penguin presentation in a dim room, and hugged and kissed a little worrying about people's eyes... After the aquarium, we moved to a food court next to the aquarium building. I ate burgers but she ate nothing but dipping-dots (small round icecream). After the late lunch, we sat on the seaside bench and talked. She was not talkative but seemed thinking about the same thing and looked so weak. I wanted to be with her more but I knew the time to get her home. We took the subway and took her hand to the railway station. We parted under the stairs which lead to the platform of my train. I went up the stairs and looked down the stairs. She had been looking at my back and then she was looking up my face with an apathetical face. I waved my hand to her, and she waved hers back and walked to her platform. I can't forget her face at that moment and her small appearance standing alone downstairs. After her death, I had to pass the spot many times to go to my company. Even now I regret I didn't follow her even though it didn't mean anything. One week later, I got a mail on my cell phone from her address, but the writer was not her but her younger sister. She noticed me her death and invited me her wake and funeral. I've seen her once at her house in 2004. She remembered me and sent the message to me. I had a second visit to her hometown for her wake but I couldn't go to her funeral held on the next day. In Japan, "boyfriend" is not a socially established position, and furthurmore I was an ex. It was enough unbearable for me to see her crying mother and sister before her coffin. Before leaving the ceremony hall, I talked to her broken-up boyfriend and cheered him up. It was a hot summer day. There're drops of tears on my face and sweat under my mourning suit on my way back to the station. I had to pass through the Kintetsu line ticket gate where we always parted at the end of dates.
My ex-girlfriend showed me some pictures when we're still going on. On those pictures, she was always there and she was the best friend of hers. When I looked at a picture, I even said she was sexier than my ex-girlfriend though she was 17 and my ex was 19. After my ex's death, I had a chance to meet her at the beginning of 2007. I don't know why she approved it, but I speculate she worried about me. We met at Tokyo, walked around the Emperor's house, and went to buy some books at Jinbocho famous for secondhand bookstores. She was mild, smelled good, concealed her emotion coming from her exotic breeding (France) under a Japanese girl appearance. The expression was different but the essential nature was the same as my ex-girlfriend. I may say she was a little more controlled and balanced probably because of her parents' discipline and education. We didn't do any special things in the day, but I was so relieved by her existence. One month after, I confessed my love by email to her who went back to England for her school. I don't know how I could do it in what tone of voice (sentence) but I did. After some time, a week or so, she wrote me back, saying that I was her best friend's ex-boyfriend, so she felt me like her older brother and that she got her first and Chinese boyfriend there after he confessed his love to her. And she continued if things did not happen in this order, she might have fallen for me. I don't know if she just expressed her kindness or truth.
The last year, 2008, I quit my job for a company (I mentioned it below), and went to Europe to learn French and traveled around. I stayed in France for seven weeks, where she had been living. When I arrived at Paris, she was about to go to Japan for internship. She was too busy in preparation to meet me. She keeps a blog. So I commented my jeremiad on her blog. She laughed it away and finished her reply with bisous. In the seven week stay in France, I got to know some girls but somthing prevented me from making an intimate relationship with those girls. I don't know if it's due to my age, my experience, or simply my nature.
I respect and envy her because she brought up in France and has a language proficiency that can never be obtained by the Japanese who're raised in Japan like me. But at the same time, I feel sympathy at her effort to become a Japanese, partly under the order of her mother. I love the strength and weakness of her duality and her gushing emotion coming from her unbalance. I also feel if I can live with her, my ex-girl friend is there too. I don't know how she feels my way of thinking. Women's thoughts are never in my hands. But for now I think she's shutting me out not entering her mind although she gives me replies and comments.
She is a friend of my ex-girlfriend who died in the summer of 2006. My ex-girlfriend killed herself by taking too much hypnotic drug to wake up again. She tried it a few times before she really went to the heaven. But I didn't know her such situation when I met her last time one week before her death because I couldn't get in touch with her so many times for the busyness of my work. In the last date, she expalained to me that she broke up with her boyfriend and her mental state was not very good and consulted to a psychiatrist. She looked so weak mentally and physically. We went to see a movie which was the first plan of our date and then went to an aquarium. I didn't have any persistence in going there, but it was one of the last days when my membership card expired and I knew she liked to see animals, especially penguins. But this whole plan of dating was not good to her at all. The contents of the movie, which attacked the hero's mental weakness, may have been harsh to her, and the aquarium was the place she visited with her broken-up boyfriend a few months ago. She mumbled it to me but didn't reject visiting for her kindness (or weakness). The aquarium was a little crowded with children released from the busy school life for summer vacation. We couldn't see many tanks with calmness, but I remember she said, "looks delicious," looking hundreds of sardine and a few tuna whirling in the round tank. We sat down on a bench situated in front of the penguin presentation in a dim room, and hugged and kissed a little worrying about people's eyes... After the aquarium, we moved to a food court next to the aquarium building. I ate burgers but she ate nothing but dipping-dots (small round icecream). After the late lunch, we sat on the seaside bench and talked. She was not talkative but seemed thinking about the same thing and looked so weak. I wanted to be with her more but I knew the time to get her home. We took the subway and took her hand to the railway station. We parted under the stairs which lead to the platform of my train. I went up the stairs and looked down the stairs. She had been looking at my back and then she was looking up my face with an apathetical face. I waved my hand to her, and she waved hers back and walked to her platform. I can't forget her face at that moment and her small appearance standing alone downstairs. After her death, I had to pass the spot many times to go to my company. Even now I regret I didn't follow her even though it didn't mean anything. One week later, I got a mail on my cell phone from her address, but the writer was not her but her younger sister. She noticed me her death and invited me her wake and funeral. I've seen her once at her house in 2004. She remembered me and sent the message to me. I had a second visit to her hometown for her wake but I couldn't go to her funeral held on the next day. In Japan, "boyfriend" is not a socially established position, and furthurmore I was an ex. It was enough unbearable for me to see her crying mother and sister before her coffin. Before leaving the ceremony hall, I talked to her broken-up boyfriend and cheered him up. It was a hot summer day. There're drops of tears on my face and sweat under my mourning suit on my way back to the station. I had to pass through the Kintetsu line ticket gate where we always parted at the end of dates.
My ex-girlfriend showed me some pictures when we're still going on. On those pictures, she was always there and she was the best friend of hers. When I looked at a picture, I even said she was sexier than my ex-girlfriend though she was 17 and my ex was 19. After my ex's death, I had a chance to meet her at the beginning of 2007. I don't know why she approved it, but I speculate she worried about me. We met at Tokyo, walked around the Emperor's house, and went to buy some books at Jinbocho famous for secondhand bookstores. She was mild, smelled good, concealed her emotion coming from her exotic breeding (France) under a Japanese girl appearance. The expression was different but the essential nature was the same as my ex-girlfriend. I may say she was a little more controlled and balanced probably because of her parents' discipline and education. We didn't do any special things in the day, but I was so relieved by her existence. One month after, I confessed my love by email to her who went back to England for her school. I don't know how I could do it in what tone of voice (sentence) but I did. After some time, a week or so, she wrote me back, saying that I was her best friend's ex-boyfriend, so she felt me like her older brother and that she got her first and Chinese boyfriend there after he confessed his love to her. And she continued if things did not happen in this order, she might have fallen for me. I don't know if she just expressed her kindness or truth.
The last year, 2008, I quit my job for a company (I mentioned it below), and went to Europe to learn French and traveled around. I stayed in France for seven weeks, where she had been living. When I arrived at Paris, she was about to go to Japan for internship. She was too busy in preparation to meet me. She keeps a blog. So I commented my jeremiad on her blog. She laughed it away and finished her reply with bisous. In the seven week stay in France, I got to know some girls but somthing prevented me from making an intimate relationship with those girls. I don't know if it's due to my age, my experience, or simply my nature.
I respect and envy her because she brought up in France and has a language proficiency that can never be obtained by the Japanese who're raised in Japan like me. But at the same time, I feel sympathy at her effort to become a Japanese, partly under the order of her mother. I love the strength and weakness of her duality and her gushing emotion coming from her unbalance. I also feel if I can live with her, my ex-girl friend is there too. I don't know how she feels my way of thinking. Women's thoughts are never in my hands. But for now I think she's shutting me out not entering her mind although she gives me replies and comments.
February 15, 2009
Morita Doji, "Samishii Kumo (Sorrowful Cloud)"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cm2kV8UxeUs
Itsumo Kimi no Ato kara
(Always after you)
Nagai Kage wo Funde
(Stepping on your long shape)
Itumo Kimi no Ato kara
(Always after you)
Tsuite Yukitai
(I wanna follow you)
Doko e Yuku Atemo naku
(With no destination)
Bokutachi wa Yoku Aruita yone
(We always walked around)
Natsu no Machi no Yugure doki wa
(At the sunset in the summer street)
Nakitai hodo Samishikute
(Sorrowful enought to weep)
Boku Hitori dewa
(All by myself)
Totemo Yatte yuke so mo naiyo
(I'll not be able to live)
Kimi no Sukina Misesu Carmichael
(Your favorite Mrs. Carmichael)
Boku mo Ii to Omou yo
(I like her too)
Natsuyasumi ga Owattara
(After the summer vacation)
Mo Aenaku naru ne
(We can't meet her)
So shitara Tokidoki
(Then sometimes)
Natsukashii Misesu no Hanashi wo Shiyo yo
(Let's talk about the missing Mrs.)
Natsu no Machi no Yugure doki wa
(At the sunset in the summer street)
Nakitai hodo Samishikute
(Sorrowful enought to weep)
Kimi Hitori dewa
(All by yourself)
Totemo Yatte Yuke so mo naikara
(You'll not be able to live)
Doko e Yuku Atemo naku
(With no destination)
Bokutachi wa Yoku Aruita yone
(We always walked around)
Natsu no Machi no Yugure doki wa
(At the sunset in the summer street)
Nakitai hodo Samishikute
(Sorrowful enought to weep)
Boku Hitori dewa
(All by myself)
Totemo Yatte yuke so mo naiyo
(I'll not be able to live)
Itsumo Kimi no Ato kara
(Always after you)
Nagai Kage wo Funde
(Stepping on your long shape)
Itumo Kimi no Ato kara
(Always after you)
Tsuite Yukitai
(I wanna follow you)
Doko e Yuku Atemo naku
(With no destination)
Bokutachi wa Yoku Aruita yone
(We always walked around)
Natsu no Machi no Yugure doki wa
(At the sunset in the summer street)
Nakitai hodo Samishikute
(Sorrowful enought to weep)
Boku Hitori dewa
(All by myself)
Totemo Yatte yuke so mo naiyo
(I'll not be able to live)
Kimi no Sukina Misesu Carmichael
(Your favorite Mrs. Carmichael)
Boku mo Ii to Omou yo
(I like her too)
Natsuyasumi ga Owattara
(After the summer vacation)
Mo Aenaku naru ne
(We can't meet her)
So shitara Tokidoki
(Then sometimes)
Natsukashii Misesu no Hanashi wo Shiyo yo
(Let's talk about the missing Mrs.)
Natsu no Machi no Yugure doki wa
(At the sunset in the summer street)
Nakitai hodo Samishikute
(Sorrowful enought to weep)
Kimi Hitori dewa
(All by yourself)
Totemo Yatte Yuke so mo naikara
(You'll not be able to live)
Doko e Yuku Atemo naku
(With no destination)
Bokutachi wa Yoku Aruita yone
(We always walked around)
Natsu no Machi no Yugure doki wa
(At the sunset in the summer street)
Nakitai hodo Samishikute
(Sorrowful enought to weep)
Boku Hitori dewa
(All by myself)
Totemo Yatte yuke so mo naiyo
(I'll not be able to live)
Morita Doji, "Kimi to Samishii Kaze ni Naru (Becoming a Lonely Wind with You)"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wdx-mLAnY24
Ashita ni Nareba Dono yoni
(When tomorrow comes)
Boku wa Kimi wo Aisu daro
(How do I love you)
Toki wa Mijikaku
(Time flies)
Bokutachi wa motto Mijikai
(We flies faster)
Katachi no nai Ai wa
(Formless love)
Itsumo Boku wo Surinuke te
(Always slips me through)
Itsuka Futari wa
(Some day the two)
Samishii Kaze ni Naru
(Become a lonely wind)
Ashita ni nareba Bokutachi wa
(When tomorrow comes)
Hitori Doshite Ikiru daro
(How do we live alone)
Kimi ga Inai Kono Asa wa
(This morning without you)
Motto Samishii
(I feel lonelier)
Katachi no nai Ai wa
(Formless love)
Itsumo Boku wo Surinuke te
(Always slips me through)
Itsuka Hitori de
(Some day I'll be)
Samishii Kaze ni Naru
(A lonley wind)
Ashita ni Nareba Dono yoni
(When tomorrow comes)
Boku wa Kimi wo Aisu daro
(How do I love you)
Toki wa Mijikaku
(Time flies)
Bokutachi wa motto Mijikai
(We flies faster)
Katachi no nai Ai wa
(Formless love)
Itsumo Boku wo Surinuke te
(Always slips me through)
Itsuka Futari wa
(Some day the two)
Samishii Kaze ni Naru
(Become a lonely wind)
Ashita ni nareba Bokutachi wa
(When tomorrow comes)
Hitori Doshite Ikiru daro
(How do we live alone)
Kimi ga Inai Kono Asa wa
(This morning without you)
Motto Samishii
(I feel lonelier)
Katachi no nai Ai wa
(Formless love)
Itsumo Boku wo Surinuke te
(Always slips me through)
Itsuka Hitori de
(Some day I'll be)
Samishii Kaze ni Naru
(A lonley wind)
Morita Doji, "Min'na Yume de Arimashita (It Was All Dream)"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N4RaoKh7K2w
Ano Jidai wa Nandatta no Desuka
(What was that age?)
Ano Tokimeki wa Nandatta no Desuka
(What was that excitement?)
Min'na Yume de Arimashita
(It was all dream)
Min'na Yume de Arimashita
(It was all dream)
Kanashii hodo ni Arinomama no
(Sorrowfully true ourselves)
Kimi to Boku ga Koko ni Iru
(You and I exist here)
Boku wa mo Kataranai Daro
(I will not speak any more)
Bokutachi wa Utawanai Daro
(We will not sing any more)
Min'na Yume de Arimashita
(It was all dream)
Min'na Yume de Arimashita
(It was all dream)
Nanimo nai kedo Tada Hitamuki na
(With nothing but passion)
Bokutachi ga Tatteita
(We're all standing there)
Campus dori ga Honoh to Moeta
(The campus street fired)
Are wa Ame no Kinyobi
(That was the rainy Friday)
Min'na Yume de Arimashita
(It was all dream)
Min'na Yume de Arimashita
(It was all dream)
Me wo Tojireba Kanashii Kimi no
(With my eyes closed)
Waraigawo ga Miemasu
(I can see your sorrowful smile)
Kawagishi no Muko ni Bokutachi ga Iru
(We're beyond the bank of a rive)
Kaze no Naka ni Bokutachi ga Iru
(We're in the wind)
Min'na Yume de Arimashita
(It was all dream)
Min'na Yume de Arimashita
(It was all dream)
Mo Ichido Yarinaosu nara
(If we can start ove our life)
Don'na Ikikata ga Aru daroka
(How can it be?)
Ano Jidai wa Nandatta no Desuka
(What was that age?)
Ano Tokimeki wa Nandatta no Desuka
(What was that excitement?)
Min'na Yume de Arimashita
(It was all dream)
Min'na Yume de Arimashita
(It was all dream)
Kanashii hodo ni Arinomama no
(Sorrowfully true ourselves)
Kimi to Boku ga Koko ni Iru
(You and I exist here)
Boku wa mo Kataranai Daro
(I will not speak any more)
Bokutachi wa Utawanai Daro
(We will not sing any more)
Min'na Yume de Arimashita
(It was all dream)
Min'na Yume de Arimashita
(It was all dream)
Nanimo nai kedo Tada Hitamuki na
(With nothing but passion)
Bokutachi ga Tatteita
(We're all standing there)
Campus dori ga Honoh to Moeta
(The campus street fired)
Are wa Ame no Kinyobi
(That was the rainy Friday)
Min'na Yume de Arimashita
(It was all dream)
Min'na Yume de Arimashita
(It was all dream)
Me wo Tojireba Kanashii Kimi no
(With my eyes closed)
Waraigawo ga Miemasu
(I can see your sorrowful smile)
Kawagishi no Muko ni Bokutachi ga Iru
(We're beyond the bank of a rive)
Kaze no Naka ni Bokutachi ga Iru
(We're in the wind)
Min'na Yume de Arimashita
(It was all dream)
Min'na Yume de Arimashita
(It was all dream)
Mo Ichido Yarinaosu nara
(If we can start ove our life)
Don'na Ikikata ga Aru daroka
(How can it be?)
Kaguyahime, "Okitegami (Letter Left)"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7QWIE7yuz5o
(Music & Lyrics: Ise Shozo)
Kimi wa mada Takusan no
(Holding many paper bags)
Kamibukuro wo Kakaeta mamade
(In your arms)
Kono Tegami Yonde Iru daro
(You'll be reading this letter)
Korede Saigo no Otoko no Kimagure toshite
(This will be the last men's caprice)
Dokoka Sokora no Mado kara
(To be thrown out from an window)
Kimi tonara Issho ni Kurashita katta
(I would have lived with you)
Hutari de Itsumo Tachidomatte Shimau
(At the house where we always stopped over)
Ano Akai Renga no Uchi de
(With red bricks)
Lun Lun Lulululu Lululu
Kyo no Samishisa wa Kaze ni Gomakasare te
(Today's loneliness is swung by the wind)
Itsumademo Kieso mo nai
(But it will remain forever)
Boku no Hon no Hitokoto ga
(With a few words of mine)
Mada Hatachi mae no Kimi wo
(You, still underage)
Kon'nani Kurushimeru nante
(How suffered)
Dakara Yuku Saki wa
(So, my destination)
Boku no Tomodachi ni Kiite kure
(Please ask my friend)
Kimi ni Awanaide Yuku kara
(I'll go without seeing you)
Imagoro wa Boku mo Mata Mukashi no Yo ni
(Now, as it used to be)
Dokoka no Machi no Cafe Terasu de
(At an open cafe in a city)
Biru demo Nonde Iru daro
(I'll be drinking a beer)
Lun Lun Lulululu Lululu
Kimi ga Kaeru Koro wa Yugure Doki
(It'll be a dusk when you come home)
Heya no Akari wa Tsuketa mamade
(I'll leave the room light on)
(Music & Lyrics: Ise Shozo)
Kimi wa mada Takusan no
(Holding many paper bags)
Kamibukuro wo Kakaeta mamade
(In your arms)
Kono Tegami Yonde Iru daro
(You'll be reading this letter)
Korede Saigo no Otoko no Kimagure toshite
(This will be the last men's caprice)
Dokoka Sokora no Mado kara
(To be thrown out from an window)
Kimi tonara Issho ni Kurashita katta
(I would have lived with you)
Hutari de Itsumo Tachidomatte Shimau
(At the house where we always stopped over)
Ano Akai Renga no Uchi de
(With red bricks)
Lun Lun Lulululu Lululu
Kyo no Samishisa wa Kaze ni Gomakasare te
(Today's loneliness is swung by the wind)
Itsumademo Kieso mo nai
(But it will remain forever)
Boku no Hon no Hitokoto ga
(With a few words of mine)
Mada Hatachi mae no Kimi wo
(You, still underage)
Kon'nani Kurushimeru nante
(How suffered)
Dakara Yuku Saki wa
(So, my destination)
Boku no Tomodachi ni Kiite kure
(Please ask my friend)
Kimi ni Awanaide Yuku kara
(I'll go without seeing you)
Imagoro wa Boku mo Mata Mukashi no Yo ni
(Now, as it used to be)
Dokoka no Machi no Cafe Terasu de
(At an open cafe in a city)
Biru demo Nonde Iru daro
(I'll be drinking a beer)
Lun Lun Lulululu Lululu
Kimi ga Kaeru Koro wa Yugure Doki
(It'll be a dusk when you come home)
Heya no Akari wa Tsuketa mamade
(I'll leave the room light on)
Kaguyahime, "Nagori Yuki (Lingering Snow)"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wrcOG-q_OW8
(Music & Lyrics: Ise Shozo, Sang by Kawashima Ai & Minami Kosetsu)
Kisha wo Matsu Kimi no Yoko de
(Beside you waiting for a train)
Boku wa Tokei wo Kinishiteru
(I had to see a clock)
Kisetsu Hazure no Yuki ga Hutteru
(We're haveing unseasonal snow)
Tokyo de Miru Yuki wa
("The snow I can see in Tokyo")
Kore ga Saigo ne to
("This will be the last time")
Samishi so ni Kimi ga Tsubuyaku
(You sadly mumbled)
Nagoriyuki mo Huru Toki wo Shiri
(Lingering snow knows when to fall)
Huzake Sugita Kisetsu no Ato de
(After the too playful season)
Ima Haru ga Kite Kimi wa Kirei ni Natta
(Now spring has come and you got beautiful)
Kyonen yori Zutto Kirei ni Natta
(You're much more beautiful since last year)
Ugoki Hajimeta Kisha no Mado ni
(On the window of the moving train)
Kao wo Tsukete Kimi wa Nanika
(You faced and tried to)
Io to Shite Iru
(Say something)
Kimi no Kuchibiru ga Sayonara to
(Your lips moving as "good-by")
Ugoku Koto ga Kowakute
(With fear of it)
Shita wo Muiteta
(I was looking down)
Toki ga Yukeba Osanai Kimi mo
(As the time goes, you grown up)
Otona ni Naru to Kizukanai mama
(I didn't notice the fact)
Ima Haru ga Kite Kimi wa Kirei ni Natta
(Now spring has come and you got beautiful)
Kyonen yori Zutto Kirei ni Natta
(You're much more beautiful since last year)
Kimi ga Satta Homu ni Nokori
(Standing on the platform where you just left)
Ochite wa Tokeru Yuki wo Miteita
(I was looking at the snow falling and melting)
Ima Haru ga Kite Kimi wa Kirei ni Natta
(Now spring has come and you got beautiful)
Kyonen yori Zutto Kirei ni Natta
(You're much more beautiful since last year)
(Music & Lyrics: Ise Shozo, Sang by Kawashima Ai & Minami Kosetsu)
Kisha wo Matsu Kimi no Yoko de
(Beside you waiting for a train)
Boku wa Tokei wo Kinishiteru
(I had to see a clock)
Kisetsu Hazure no Yuki ga Hutteru
(We're haveing unseasonal snow)
Tokyo de Miru Yuki wa
("The snow I can see in Tokyo")
Kore ga Saigo ne to
("This will be the last time")
Samishi so ni Kimi ga Tsubuyaku
(You sadly mumbled)
Nagoriyuki mo Huru Toki wo Shiri
(Lingering snow knows when to fall)
Huzake Sugita Kisetsu no Ato de
(After the too playful season)
Ima Haru ga Kite Kimi wa Kirei ni Natta
(Now spring has come and you got beautiful)
Kyonen yori Zutto Kirei ni Natta
(You're much more beautiful since last year)
Ugoki Hajimeta Kisha no Mado ni
(On the window of the moving train)
Kao wo Tsukete Kimi wa Nanika
(You faced and tried to)
Io to Shite Iru
(Say something)
Kimi no Kuchibiru ga Sayonara to
(Your lips moving as "good-by")
Ugoku Koto ga Kowakute
(With fear of it)
Shita wo Muiteta
(I was looking down)
Toki ga Yukeba Osanai Kimi mo
(As the time goes, you grown up)
Otona ni Naru to Kizukanai mama
(I didn't notice the fact)
Ima Haru ga Kite Kimi wa Kirei ni Natta
(Now spring has come and you got beautiful)
Kyonen yori Zutto Kirei ni Natta
(You're much more beautiful since last year)
Kimi ga Satta Homu ni Nokori
(Standing on the platform where you just left)
Ochite wa Tokeru Yuki wo Miteita
(I was looking at the snow falling and melting)
Ima Haru ga Kite Kimi wa Kirei ni Natta
(Now spring has come and you got beautiful)
Kyonen yori Zutto Kirei ni Natta
(You're much more beautiful since last year)
January 2, 2009
Main Character’s Queer Aspect and the Quality of Sex in Eyes Wide Shut
In this paper, I will discuss a queer aspect of a main character, Dr. William Harford, whom Tom Cruise plays, and examine the quality of sex in Stanley Kubrick’s Eyes Wide Shut. We can see this movie as a quest of William for his self-identification. His self is dismantled or made fluid in various ways. Firstly, his convinced position as a husband of Alice is shadowed by her confession of the notion that she tempted herself to play around with a naval officer during their family vacation. This notion obsesses William many times in this movie and makes its motif. Secondly, his social position as a doctor, a father, a friend, and so forth is endangered by a possibility to infect HIV by a one-night stand with a prostitute, Domino, and by a disgrace resulting from his failure in sneaking into a sexual orgy. He has a narrow escape with a help of a woman, who turns out to be Mundy whom William examines at a dance party in the opening scene. In either case, he uses these female characters as his agents or alter egos to identify himself and, at the same time, those female characters are others to be incorporated into his self. In this sense, William can possess a queer orientation in his identity.
This movie presents sex as a trial of William’s identity and as a scene of transsexuality of his identity. He has to do this quest to break out his obsession by experiencing the same kind of sexual situations as his wife might have encountered. In terms of this, he is identified as his wife. During the quest, his masculinity is stripped away because of his transsexual identity, so he never has a sex in this movie except he plays a masculine role as a husband and father in his family. When he tries to have a one-night stand with Domino, a call from his wife prevents it. If he had it, he could infect HIV. Here, Domino represents his position. As I wrote before, he is found out to be a stranger in the sexual orgy. He is forced to be naked and disgraced, but a woman, who is Mundy, literally sacrifices herself for him. He comes to know in the newspaper that she is secretly killed. Here, Mundy represents his position. After all, he never has a sex with other women than his wife so that he can believe his wife’s honesty from his point of view as a man. We can think the way in which his female alter egos experiencing what his wife might have gone through are killed by the representation of a murder of Mundy and he recovers his masculinity.
This movie once tries to dismantle not only a main character’s identity but also a family as a social institution by introducing sex as a discourse. Sex can privilege a man and a woman as a status of couple in the major society. Masked sexes depicted in the scene of the sexual orgy or sexes masking one’s identity “mask” the privileging power. When the identity of an individual who involved with masked sex like William is “unmasked,” the power works not only for the one but for the other of the couple. The power can negatively work for his whole family. The persons involved with the party try to exclude those who revealed their identities because this power should be under the mask for enjoying sex as an act. From the opposite viewpoint, the scene of the sexual orgy seems to be rather asexual despite the fact that the scene is full of sexual acts. That might be because the party is insulated from the society for its quality of the party and masks, and therefore both sexes (men and women) acting sexes are in the condition of gender-free. In comparison with the sexes in the sexual orgy, the sex which is acted by William and Alice, played in the very first scene of the movie or implied at the very end of the movie by Alice’s words, is more sexual since sex as a discourse is exposed and unmasked.
I examined William’s character from the perspective of a queer aspect of his identity by looking at this movie as a quest of his self-identification. In this movie, sex as an act is the key to make the main character into a trance of his transsexual experience. He finally returns to a sex with his wife, which stands for his social status, after experiencing “anonymous sexes” which is stripped from the social contexts.
This movie presents sex as a trial of William’s identity and as a scene of transsexuality of his identity. He has to do this quest to break out his obsession by experiencing the same kind of sexual situations as his wife might have encountered. In terms of this, he is identified as his wife. During the quest, his masculinity is stripped away because of his transsexual identity, so he never has a sex in this movie except he plays a masculine role as a husband and father in his family. When he tries to have a one-night stand with Domino, a call from his wife prevents it. If he had it, he could infect HIV. Here, Domino represents his position. As I wrote before, he is found out to be a stranger in the sexual orgy. He is forced to be naked and disgraced, but a woman, who is Mundy, literally sacrifices herself for him. He comes to know in the newspaper that she is secretly killed. Here, Mundy represents his position. After all, he never has a sex with other women than his wife so that he can believe his wife’s honesty from his point of view as a man. We can think the way in which his female alter egos experiencing what his wife might have gone through are killed by the representation of a murder of Mundy and he recovers his masculinity.
This movie once tries to dismantle not only a main character’s identity but also a family as a social institution by introducing sex as a discourse. Sex can privilege a man and a woman as a status of couple in the major society. Masked sexes depicted in the scene of the sexual orgy or sexes masking one’s identity “mask” the privileging power. When the identity of an individual who involved with masked sex like William is “unmasked,” the power works not only for the one but for the other of the couple. The power can negatively work for his whole family. The persons involved with the party try to exclude those who revealed their identities because this power should be under the mask for enjoying sex as an act. From the opposite viewpoint, the scene of the sexual orgy seems to be rather asexual despite the fact that the scene is full of sexual acts. That might be because the party is insulated from the society for its quality of the party and masks, and therefore both sexes (men and women) acting sexes are in the condition of gender-free. In comparison with the sexes in the sexual orgy, the sex which is acted by William and Alice, played in the very first scene of the movie or implied at the very end of the movie by Alice’s words, is more sexual since sex as a discourse is exposed and unmasked.
I examined William’s character from the perspective of a queer aspect of his identity by looking at this movie as a quest of his self-identification. In this movie, sex as an act is the key to make the main character into a trance of his transsexual experience. He finally returns to a sex with his wife, which stands for his social status, after experiencing “anonymous sexes” which is stripped from the social contexts.
August 9, 2008
Diary
Recently, I'm in the process of searching for a new job. I went to a "hello work" in my district, which is a public facility introducing jobs to the people. This time, I was not there for finding jobs but applying for unemployment insurance benefits. Normally, I have to wait for three months and a week until I can get the first insurance benefits. But if the labor standards office admits the unlawfully long labor hours of me for three serial months before I quit the job, which should be 45 hours or more for overtime hours, I can get the money only one week after. I worked for three years, so I can get the insurance for 90 days only. But all of this money will be gone for the taxes for the city and prefecture residential taxes, which are calculated from the last year's income.
I eat a lot of yellow watermelons which have been grown by my father. When I stayed in France, I had to eat a watermelon with a fork and knife before dinner. It was a strange experience for me. In Japan, a watermelon is eaten with a spoon after a meal or for a snack.
March 31, 2008
My Work
I work for a famous Japanese company which manufactures electric appratuses. Actually, I am not a member of that company, but my company sends me there and makes me sit for twelve hours or more per day to make a help file of the software which our section has been developing since the last October. The software is used for making settings of a motion controller CPU. A motion controller CPU controls many servo motors which become power sources for moving conveyors, robot's arms, elevators, or any movenments in mechanical systems. A software's help file must cover all basic setting procedures. I have to capture picures of each setting everytime the software is changed for upgrading, downgrading, or any change in procedure and appearance. I wake up at 6:45a.m. and get a 7:14 train and begin to work at 8:30 and finish at 21:45. The time when I arrives home is around 23:00. At the end of April, the software must be released to the predetermined market. To meet the deadline, most of us work on saturdays. Well, I remember I was hired as a translator. However, Japanese companies do not make a contract that restricts workers' duties.
Classical Music and Me
I began to practice violin when I was four years old. It was not my will. My father wanted his child to learn playing an instrument. Violin is selected for portability and his arbitorary notion on violin. I went to class on each Tuesday with my mother. The teaching method was called "Suzuki method" which is famous for education of children to be talented and at the same time notorious for the poor instruction of basics of music. The dogma of this method was "every child grows, and the teaching method is only one (suzuki?)". Teachers all believed all the students could play the vilion at some level as they speak their native language. Thanks for this method, I can play Dovolzak's Humoresque, Bach's Concerto, or other tunes without notes. However, I can't read notes and understand violin sounds with do-re-mi or C-D-F. I even didn't know there's the same tone between violin and piano which was called one of the sound names (do-re-mi). I thought violin sound and piano sound were totally different. I continued to go to class for almost ten years. One day, I rejected going to class since my capacity was full with high school studies. Practising the vilolin was nothing but agony. But my ears became rather sensitive against classical music after quitting the lesson. Mozart's No.40 symphony, Beethoven's No.6 symphony, or Chopin's piano improvisation were comfortable and impressing on my ears when I listened to them at the music class at high school. I began to collect classical music CDs. I couldn't believe historically valuable music was cheaper than modern J-pops. I owned more than 200 CDs by the time I graduated from high school. After entering a university, I met a guy who practised the violin, prefered classical music, read Murakami Haruki. He and I became good friends one minute after we first met each other.
She is not here anymore...
She gave me a mild smile. She always apologized me and thanked me. I loved her way of saying such words. But it was me who should've said such words. I didn't take her call because I hated a cell phone. I lost many opportunities to hear her voice which can never be heard now. It echoes in my brain but does not sound. There's no day when I don't remember her. When I think upon some girl, I remember her. When I think about a lot of things I could have done for her, I regret I didn't talk more and spend more time together with her. I miss her. I miss her kindness.
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